Building a relationship with yourself

Here I am, back again. After Facebook pages told me I haven't posted for a while for the fourth time I thought it was about time I took the hint and post something.
I suppose a quick update is in order, seeing as I haven't blogged since last October. Well, I am ridin' solo once again. This time there's no dramatic back log to the split like my last one, so no juicy blog post to come in the future with all the details because I respect that person a lot, sorry!

A lot happened last year, and my feelings towards life in general changed, and with that my feelings in that relationship left too. If it gets to a point where the person your with is doing everything they possibly can to keep you happy and to keep the relationship going and you're still not happy with it or feeling the same, it's a sign that you don't want to be in the relationship anymore.

My problem in relationships with anyone whether it's my boyfriend, my friends or my family, I would always put their needs before my own. So trying to find happiness for myself whilst also trying to please the person I'm with is great difficulty, and when I do try and put myself first I do it all at once so it seems like I'm being selfish - there just wasn't any winning.

I had to remove myself from a relationship so I could build a relationship with myself.

Initially being single again was so weird. You leave this relationship and with that you kind of have to remove contact with your ex but then you're significantly a lot more lonelier so when you get some attention you use that and speak to new people but when you tell them you're not after anything, they stop talking to you and you're lonelier once again.

The key is to learn to enjoy being alone and your own company. The benefits of being on your own? There's no time limits, no boundaries and nobody waiting on you or planning around you. You have complete freedom to do whatever you want. Have a few mad nights out. Go and get a tattoo you might not have got if you were in a relationship. Go to Bongo Bingo on St Patricks Day at midday, go to the after party, get home 6 hours later then you should do, drink loads of gin and go to work hungover - (true story, don't recommend going to work hungover though, that isn't fun).

Limit the time you spend on your phone. If you think about it, it's a waste of time really. Scrolling through your feeds, lusting over other peoples lives whilst not living your own. Use it to inspire you but then go out and enjoy your time instead of wasting it on wishing you were doing something somebody you don't even know is doing.

I mentioned having a few mad nights out, but don't go off the rails. The last time I was single, I went a bit mad. I went out three times a week, got stupidly drunk, spent most of my money on alcohol and made most of my memories drunk. It wasn't actually fun looking back at it and that's why I don't have any intention of spending my time doing that now. I couldn't imagine being like that now, I'm a proper old woman. Two gins and I'm done for the night. Despite being on a better wage now than back then, I'm a girl with responsibilities (bills). I'm also a lot vainer now and spend a fortune on my outfits, tan, make up and nails every time I'm due a night out so I'm lucky now if I get a trip to Popworld once a month.

The sole reason I needed to be on my own was to make myself better, or at least try. I needed to improve my mental health. Sometimes I get told that I don't need to share this with people, but I'm absolutely not ashamed so I will. Last year my mental health took a turn for the worse, although I believe it's not been great since I was quite young, it drastically went worse and there became a point where I no longer wanted to be here anymore.

At the time I was lucky enough to have incredible people around me. It's crazy how you can have such a close family and nobody has any idea what you're going through in your mind unless you actually have a breakdown. I'd usually hide away during a breakdown for my dad to find me in a state, or I'd breakdown in front of my mum. But one night I broke down and reached out to my big sisters and I think that was the start of realising I'm not actually okay and I could do with some help. It wouldn't be fair on my family and friends though if I just relied on them to sort me out, they have their own problems to deal with they don't need another thing to deal with. So after some help from my dad I decided to get myself a therapist, and it's the best thing I've done so far this year. I won't lie it's expensive but it's so worth it. The way I see it, I was going to spend stupid money on a personal trainer to help me improve my physical health but how was I meant to push myself to attend PT sessions if my mental state wasn't the best? So it was a no brainer to invest in someone to help my mental health. I currently go once a month for an hour, I've had three sessions and she's helped so much already, I strongly recommend seeing someone if you can.

Talking of physical health, getting fit and working out has been a huge mood-lifter during hard times and it's now become one of my favourite hobbies surprisingly. I try to workout three times a week at home to build that boo-tay and try and get those abs I probably won't ever get.
I have actually started to run,  which is a massive deal seeing as the idea of running has always made me feel sick. I literally used to fake an asthma attack in school in order for me to get out the bleep test at Level 4. Me and my sister are doing the couch to 5k and it's actually not bad but I've only done week 1 so far so I can't properly judge it. Working out (at home) and running are both free hobbies which is great when you need something to do and you're skint (me, 3 weeks of the month) but they both also release endorphins which is what you need to keep smiling.

Things that have kept me going the last few months are things like self-help books, I particularly recommend Vex King's - Good Vibes, Good Life is incredible and a very easy read. I also strongly recommend having a social media detox, removing yourself away from the digital world and enjoying the real world (I'm still working on this). I've become slightly more confident and meeting new people or just meeting up with people you haven't seen for a while has been really enjoyable, reminiscing but also being able to find out things that they've done whilst you haven't been around.

Also, chill out. Allow yourself days inside, days where you just chill. Nights where you don't train, where you just get home, put your fluffy PJ's on and then scream at your TV when the footballs on (can you believe I actually enjoy football now? Mental).

Remember, life is about learning and living and making mistakes. Your life is what you make of it.

The longest relationship you will ever have is with yourself so master that before you create a relationship with someone else.  

lots of love


1 comment:

  1. You should stay connected with yourself spent time alone. You should tell your partner that you want some alone time. They will respect that and they will let you be yourself for a while.