My selfish year


All my life I've put other people's feelings before my own. Turning 20 I think I started to realise that you've got to be selfish in this world if you want to have a positive life. When you're like me and you care too much for other's feelings you end up getting taken advantage of and it's always you that'll suffer. Thinking about it, you have to live with yourself 24/7, 365 days a year for the rest of your life so really you should do everything to put yourself first, especially for your own happiness.

The end of 2016 I went through many changes that was really the starting point for my better life. So this year I'm going to focus on nothing but myself. The past couple of months I've been increasing the things I love and cutting out the things that were holding me back or putting me down in order for me to have a positive life. 

Making positive changes
Moving into the flat last year was a big change that I was incredibly apprehensive about but it's made my life a lot better. I now have a lovely room for the first time in years, I'm in the centre of my town so everything is incredibly close and I get to have my friends round more often because it's so convenient. I started my new job in the new year. For a start, the fact I managed an interview was a big deal for me because of how shy and nervous I can get but what makes the job better is I get to work with my mum, meaning I see her a lot more often and my wage has made me a lot less worried about my finances. 

I've recently begun a healthier lifestyle. I've been trying for years to become healthier but I was never in the right mind-set or surrounded by the right people. Now I feel I can actually do this. I've cut out so much bad food, started eating better, working out more often and drinking loads more water. I've got my boyfriend motivating me every single day, making sure I do my squats and I've got my mum at work coming on this journey with me. Every time I've told someone that I want to be more healthy their immediate response is "you don't have any weight to lose" which, although I know they're only being nice, is so frustrating to hear because my reasons for a healthier lifestyle isn't just for weight loss but it's also for muscle gain, it's to stop feeling groggy all day and having loads more energy.  

Giving myself my own space is always important for me now. Sometimes I just want to have a bath, get into bed and watch a film on my own. "Me time" is so important. I used to be someone that felt like I needed to be around people all the time so I never got lonely but it is possible to be on your own and not feel alone. Constantly surrounding yourself can be incredibly over-whelming. It's important to make time for self-love. Once a month I go and treat myself to acrylic nails. So many people tell me it's a waste of money but I love how excited I get to go to my nail lady, sit their for an hour and a half chatting away and coming out with a beautiful set of nails. It's small things that can make yourself a lot happier. 

This year I want to see more places and do more of what I love. I have trips to Liverpool. Dublin, Lanzarote and Santorini planned and hopefully some more to places throughout the UK. I love live music so I'm going to Slam Dunk and Leeds Festival as well as seeing many bands live including Avenged Sevenfold and You Me At Six, two of my favourite bands. Again, this is another thing people think I waste my money on but there's not many things that top how happy I get from seeing my favourite bands live. 

Cutting out the negative 
Being selfish doesn't mean you can't be there for somebody but there comes a point where you physically can't help anyone anymore and if their problems are draining your own energy then move yourself out of the situation and distance yourself. You owe nobody but yourself anything so don't feel like you're being a nasty person for removing yourself or not getting involved in something. The past few months I realised a lot of people I thought were my close friends only bothered to come to me because they knew I listened and cared about them enough to want to help them but when it came to anything else, they weren't around. 

If you read my earlier posts you'll know I went out a lot last year. I realised in November that I just wanted to cut down a bit. Going out all the time started to become boring, I felt like I'd waste my weekends because I'd usually be hungover for the majority of it and I'd also be wasting so much of my money. I took a complete month off going out and over Christmas and New Year I went out 4 times but actually was able to manage my money and realise my limits when it came to alcohol. I wasn't enjoying being that mate that was always the most steaming and the most embarrassing. I'm actually enjoying spending more nights in with a good film than I am going out these days. 

I've made my circle very, very small. I haven't cut people out as such but I've definitely distanced myself. Everyone seems to know everyone's business these days. Social media is a big factor in this actually. When I'm frustrated, annoyed or upset I'd immediately post my feelings as a tweet for all 850 of my followers to see. Why? Because it's like an outlet, a bit like a diary. The advantage: You're letting off steam. The disadvantage: People who don't even know you now know more about what's going on behind closed doors. One of my new years resolutions was to cut back on how much I interact on social media. It's a toxic place full of irrelevant opinions. Your own boyfriend could like another girls picture and even though it doesn't bother you because it's just a picture, you'll get told by another girl that doesn't know your relationship, she'll list why you should agree with her that it isn't right he does that and then you'll over think something as small as picture, that didn't actually bother you to begin with. I could honestly rant all day about the psycho girlfriend stereotype but I think I'll leave it for another post. Keeping myself a lot more private has helped a lot though. I used to share every single argument I had with pretty much all my friends because I felt like I needed their opinions but usually it makes it so much worse and handling it on your own and being more mature by not informing half of your group and escalating the situation ten times more means it's usually sorted a lot quicker with less stress.  

So 2017 is my year. The year I get myself comfortable in my own body. The year I get a positive mind. The year I finish my driving lessons, pass my test and get a car. The year I see as much of the world as I can manage. The year I let nobody get in the way of my goals. 

lots of love
Jennie x