Being Imperfect



As a younger teen I really did not thing I would every capture myself as "beautiful". I never thought I would have a life, friends, a boyfriend, a future. I just thought I was ugly and that's all I would ever be. 
Having visible imperfections and imperfections within can seriously make you struggle your teenage years but I want to let you in to what my imperfections are and how I dealt with them and loved them. 

The Mole
My mole on my chin is the thing that made me literally hate who I was when I was younger. Having other people from school and from where I live call me names like "moley" and state that I had a beard really did not help. It got to the point where I was asking my parents if I could get it removed but they stated it is a part of me and I shouldn't get rid of it. 
My mole has made me self-conscious since I was very young - I'm talking primary school, age 7/8, because that's when kids got mean and made me notice it as a bad thing. 
When I started high school it got worst and I found myself literally not being able to leave the house unless I plastered it with foundation and concealer. 
When I first met up with Ellis (when I wasn't all dressed up) I found myself hiding my chin whilst I spoke to him with the fur on my coat and putting my hand there if my coat wasn't available. I must have looked like a right plonka! I remember getting home from seeing Ellis and having to text him saying "I have a mole on my chin and I hope you still like me". 
It all sounds so stupid but this friggin mole (I named her Mandy when I was 13) has caused me so much grief but now I think we're getting on fine.
When I left all forms of educational institutes I realised people aren't actually that mean in the real world. In high school you're with the same people for years and you can't get away from them. People can be nasty in schools and they can make you hate a part of yourself that you wouldn't hate if they didn't hate it. 
I learnt that I shouldn't judge myself just because others judge me and I now don't even notice I have Mandy the Mole. I learnt that my boyfriend thinks I'm beautiful with a mole - and he sees me without the make up so I must be alright. I still wear make up but I wear make up because I like make up not to cover the mole. I really don't care about other peoples opinions of my appearance anymore. I love me. 

My Glasses
Before I left college you would not catch me wearing my glasses outside of my home (unless I was in a lesson). I don't know why but I thought for years that wearing glasses was so uncool and made me look uglier than I am. Well in all honesty not wearing glasses because you may look a bit "ugly" is a bit stupid because you then are unable to see. I found myself squinting so much in public -  I could never see what bus numbers were coming, I could never see anybody I was meeting until I was up close with them. 
Now the only time I don't wear glasses is when I'm asleep or in the shower. The best thing ever is being able to actually see everything and I'm not sure how I managed all the years with seeing everything in a blur. I understand I can and probably will get contacts at some point but right now I'm okay with having framed eyes. 

"Fat, Cellulite Legs" 
All through high school I thought my legs were fat. Yes, they were probably larger than other girls but I now don't think they were "fat". I didn't wear my legs out in public properly until late 2012 - the night I met Ellis coincidentally. I used to get called chicken legs because my legs weren't the right shape or texture as other girls and they are extremely pale so I just found myself covering up in Summer. 
It's stupid that people made me feel so low about my body that I felt I had to do this. It's stupid that I hated Summer because I would be sweating in jeans or leggings or tights because I just didn't want to be laughed at. Now you'll find me in shorts, playsuits, skirts and dresses in the Summer with those orange-peel legs on full display and I wouldn't have it any other way. I didn't realise when growing up that cellulite is quite popular in woman. I've also noticed that the best way to get rid of it is to stop eating Ben and Jerries, burgers and chocolate. Unfortunately, I'm not ready to part with those delicious snacks so the cellulite is probably going to stay for a little longer. 

It's okay to be imperfect because nobody is perfect (as Hannah Montana once said). We shouldn't be judging our own bodies on other peoples perceptions. I didn't ask to be born with a mole on my chin, a poor eyesight or orange-peel legs but at the end of the day, I was and I will embrace it. 
It is hard in high school to feel like you have to live up to societies definition of perfect but a tip from someone who tried to do it - it's not worth it. I am much happier now being the most confident I've ever been and building on that confidence every single day and I hope you will too. 

Lots of Love
Imperfect Jen xo 

2 comments:

  1. that dress is absolutely gorgeous on you and if I just look at that photo, you seem as perfect as you can be :)

    Arianne

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  2. Aww Jen that's really good and you are lovely
    Lots of love
    Big sis xxx

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