Throwback Thursday: Be careful who you trust.

This picture was taken 4 years ago when I was 13. Primarily this blog post is directed to people of that age but if you're interested in the story of how I kind of messed up my life then do read on. 

I took this picture whilst I was grounded. For about 2 months I was grounded. I went down the rebellious road and was convinced by my "friends" to have a small gathering at my house during the day when my dad was working. Little did I know that these so called friends were actually a group of unintelligent, nasty and completely untrustworthy a-holes. I had gotten myself into a stage where I was hanging around with older people, spending most of my time getting drunk, impressing people that when you look-back at were absolutely nothing special. Some of these people actually called me names and used me for things like this gathering. So why did I put up with it? I wanted to be popular. I wanted to be the girl that was no longer bullied but was in fact part of a group that were looked at and people thought "wow". I don't really get it now. How is looking at a group of 13/14 year olds getting drunk in a park during the Easter holidays perceived as cool? 

Anyway, I had this gathering. Only around 13 people showed up but that was more than I originally expected. Friends brought friends. It all began quite okay, we danced etc. Then the disgusting chavvy boys that were there decided it would be funny to get some of this spray and spray their names on the CEILINGS of my house. So funny. They then thought it would be funny to go and buy some eggs and start egging my house. That's funny too. They then thought it would be acceptable to put a cigarette out on the arm of my sofa. Oh yeah, leaving a hole on my sofa is fine by me. Everybody that came to that party made me see them in a new light. I cried for a long time. I tried to get everybody tidy up. I tried to get everybody to leave and they all just laughed. You would think that a friend would be there to help me but nope, not mine. 

After everybody left I attempted to tidy up. My dad got home and the house looked relatively normal. It wasn't until the next morning when he screamed "JENNIE COME HERE" that I knew I was in trouble. He'd found a cigarette blunt and a vodka top in the sink. Who puts that in a sink? My dad was so disappointed and I really could not cope with his anger so I packed a bag and left the house but before I left my dad made me give him my key. 

I told my mum everything and of course she was disappointed too but she always sees the best in every situation. My dad didn't speak to me for a week. I have never been so disappointed in myself because my dad was the equivalent to my best friend. Those people were not friends. I had lost such a close, friendly bond with my dad down to the influence of idiots. 

As teenagers we spend so long trying to fit in. Trying to find a place where we belong. Trying to better ourselves to be likened by people that actually need bettering themselves. If your friend is constantly laughing at you and not with you then don't put up with it. Don't handle the constant name-calling by trying to please people that are not worth your company. 

I have found a way to love myself. I am a good person with a friendly personality. I am a great friend. I am kind. I have aspirations. I have good intentions. I am worth friends that will want to be friends with me. Friends that don't want to change me. Friends that see what I'm doing is pretty cool. I'm still yet to find these friends. The only people I have allowed into my life so far are my boyfriend and my family. I don't have proper friends as of yet. I don't have somebody that asks how my blogs doing in fact I have been laughed at for it. I don't have anybody that will just text me now and again asking me how I am; I'll always be the one who makes sure somebody is okay. But I'm doing fine. I'm happier now with a group of people in my life that I can 100% trust rather than an army of so-called friends that aren't real. 

Be careful who you trust and don't risk a true friendship for those that are fake. 

Lots of Love
Jen xo

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