Fears

fears


As I've grown up the list of fears I've had have become bigger and with that they've also become more profound. Over the last year or so I've realised I think a lot, like a hell of a lot more than I used to. I wouldn't say that's necessary a bad thing although my thoughts tend to lead me to finding new things to be scared about sometimes. 

The fear of dying; This has, over the years, become a huge fear of mine. I know it's pretty conspicuous like I don't think a lot of people look forward to death, but there are a lot of people that just aren't phased and I wish I could think like that but I find it difficult. I can't imagine how I'd cope if I was told I only had a few months to live. Knowing that I was going to die and there was nothing I could do about that. I fear being old and just frail and knowing that soon my life will end. I fear how my loved ones would cope without me. I'm not saying I'm anything special but it's obviously going to hurt the people that do love me if I die. 

The fear of a loved one dying; Again, an obvious one. But I just don't know how I'd cope. I know people just do cope when the time comes but this really does make me upset. There are times when I think about what I'm going to do when my grandparents, whom have helped bring me up, made me laugh and taught me a lot, pass away. It was hard enough when my dog died; not having the animal that protected me, cuddled me, made me extremely happy anymore broke my heart and I suppose an animal dying is our way of finding out what it's like to lose a loved one because though a dog dying may not be as extreme as my mum dying it still hurt a lot. 

The fear of people; I don't have a fear of all people, of course I'm great at speaking to my family, my boyfriend etc, I just get extremely scared being alone with people I don't know. I get scared that I say something wrong or annoy them. This is one of the reasons I have a blog and spend a lot of time on social media because it gives me the chance to make new friends without them getting an initial first impression of me which could actually give off the wrong impression of what I'd be like as a friend. 

The fear of demons and stuff like that; This was definitely just brought on by unnecessary viewings of Insidious and The Conjuring - I was forced to watch these films. I absolutely hate being alone in a dark house or room because I get scared that there's something that's going to get me during my sleep. My boyfriend does this awful thing where he will turn the lights off of the room I'm in when we're going to bed and I've been that scared I will cry, not actually because it's dark but because I'm petrified I'm about to die. 

The fear of burglars; This has been a fear since I was little and used to watch Crimewatch with my dad. I would plan in my head scenarios of if a robber came into my house and ended up holding us hostage. So extreme but it really did used to terrify me and it still does, I hate being up alone if my mum or dad have already gone to bed. 

The fear of spiders, moths, bees and wasps; They are so unnecessary to be in the house! Go play in the garden or something that's where you should be not in my bed room! I literally just had a spider above my head and I tried to get it but it ended up falling onto my bed and then I lost it so guess who's getting no sleep tonight? Me. 

What are your fears?

Lots of Love
Jen xo

1 comment:

  1. I think, deep down, alot of people have similar fears / concerns. I too have a fear or dying or contracting an illness for which there is no cure. Instead of focusing on the fear, you should focus on the positives, that fact that your loved ones are alive, well and near to you. That you are young and healthy, for right now you'll never be younger than you already are. Live in the present moment, and also work on not being fearful around strangers - take it as an opportunity to meet new people and learn about them and their interests. We will never get on with everybody, and thats ok and as you get older, it will annoy you less and less - trust me! :)

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