Getting my head around Social Anxiety






For the last 6 years, since I was about 11 and had just started secondary school, I think I have changed majorly. When I was in primary school I was pretty confident and I think this was something to do with being quite liked. I was bullied not long into starting secondary school and I think that has had an impact on how I cope in social situations.
Recently I've been thinking about myself and asking myself why have I become so nervous all-of-the-time? In secondary school I just thought it was down to being shy. Although I had no reason to be shy around the people I was around. I remember when I had to do a huge speech in front of my English class when I was about 13; I cried about it and begged to not go in. For years I have been getting myself into a state over the most minor situations and a couple of weeks ago it got me thinking that maybe it's just a little bit more than 'being nervous'. 

The situations I struggle with:
  • If I'm on a bus on my own and it gets packed and I'm sat quite far back in the bus I get panicked about the fact I have to pass through all of those people, maybe having to say excuse me to them. There have been times that I have been on a bus and stayed on the bus until all of those people get off the bus. I'd then get off the bus myself in a place no where near to my house and then wait for another bus that goes back to my house. 
  • When I went to college (a month ago), I would find myself getting really worried to walk from college to the bus station because of all the people from college that would be walking to the bus station too. I would cross the road to get away from the people but I'd still feel scared that people were watching me. 
  • College was quite hard in general actually. There were a few situations I would find myself being quite panicked in. When my friend that I'd known since I was 4 left my Photography class I felt that I couldn't stay in that class so I asked to get moved to a different Photography class with a different friend. I didn't like to stand outside a class room on my own to wait to go into a class whilst other people from my class were there so I'd find myself going to the toilet or just walking slow to the lesson. 
  • For some reason I am still nervous around Ellis' family. We have been together for a year and a half now and I've known his family since the word go but I still feel very anxious when having to speak to them. They are such a lovely family, they make me feel so welcome around them yet I find myself struggling to speak. I think I fear I'm going to say something stupid and I don't want them to change their opinion on me. 
Social Anxiety. Before a year ago I don't think I knew what anxiety was. I've understood it more over the past year through Youtube videos and because one of my friends from college has anxiety and she speaks to me about it. I did some research and I think that I'm suffering from social anxiety. I need to find a way to get myself through it and fix myself because as I'm almost 18 it's my prime time to be socializing.  

I find it odd that the only way I find myself meeting new people and becoming friends with people is through Social Media and by getting drunk so I become more confident. I want to be able to go to blogger events without feeling to scared. I want to be able to make new friends when I get a job. I want to be able to use public transport without getting nervous. I want to be this confident girl! 

If anyone has any suggestions on how to reduce the anxiety then please leave me a comment or send me an email at jenfarnell3@gmail.com Thank you. 

Lots of Love
Jen xo 

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